Swimming Goggles

In 1972 the only person on the planet who wore goggles while swimming in a pool was Mark Spitz. Spitz was not a YMCA swim instructor. He wasn’t a neighborhood swimming guru. Spitz was a world famous Olympic athlete at the height of his swimming career. Every second mattered. He won seven gold medals that year. He was the best in the world. Meanwhile, the other 27 million swimmers alive at the time somehow survived swimming in pools without wearing goggles.

Fast forward a few decades and now visit any neighborhood pool, community center or country club and you will see a myriad of swimming goggles for all. They come in all shapes, sizes and colors. There are skinny ones, fat ones, shiny ones, snake eyes, ski goggle, bug eye replicas, truly something for everyone.

Somewhere along the way to the neighborhood pool a Mother decided that her child could no longer tolerate the chlorine that has cleaned pools since the dawn of pool cleaning. And yes, it was definitely a Mother. I’m 100% sure. Have you ever seen Daddy carrying around the goggles case? Ever seen a father actively supervising young kids swimming? Was it a dad that invented the “lets make the kids sit out of the pool for 30 minutes after eating?” Of course not. It’s not in our DNA. Dads do cannonballs and play Marco Polo for hours. We teach backflips. We help make the pool the coolest place ever. We also don’t understand the goggles deal and it’s fine with me if my kids swim without them.

It’s now 2014 and swim goggles have become as important as the nuclear football carried by POTUS. God forbid that little Johnny and Susie arrive at the local pool without their goggles. How could they possibly swim without them? The best mommies carry multiple sets of goggles for each kid, just in case they somehow get lost. How could that ever happen? Of course when the #1 set of goggles goes missing, rarely is the backup pair adequate for the job at hand. Unless they are the exact same size, model and most importantly the same color you are screwed. Prepare for a 20 minute uncontrollable temper tantrum here. Luckily, poolside tantrums are always public. Johnny is in front of a crowd. The performances are first rate, seemingly rehearsed. Think China Syndrome meltdown. It’s not pretty. I recall that green goggles were the go to goggles in our family. Pink, blue…please Mom not a chance those will work.

When and how did this phenomena happen? I grew up in the late 70’s and early 80”s and was blessed to have a pool we swam in every day in the Summer. A pair of swim goggles never entered the pool area, ever. Our eyes might have stung for maybe twelve seconds and then we swam for 5 hours. Sure our eyes got very red after swimming all day. But where exactly was the problem? We were in the damn pool all day, every day and NEVER had protective eyewear.

So why the sudden need for swimming goggles?

It’s not as if kids have started fencing in the pool. Are kids now bringing knives to the local pool? It must be the chlorine but how? I’d argue that today’s chlorinates are much safer for our kids and better for the environment too. Coach Buttermaker has passed so he isn't drinking beers while cleaning the neighborhood pool, Spoiler alert. Most of us peed in the pool on occasion and even that didn't seem to harm our long term eye health.

The swim goggle phenomena is further evidence of the helicopter parenting that has become our new norm. The main goal of operating the helicopter is to ensure your child’s safety and happiness at every second of every day. That’s just not possible and really not even a good idea. Wanting Susie to wear goggles is a very noble cause and each parent can decide what is best. It should be clear though that children can still learn to swim and enjoy the water without the use of swim goggles. And Dads should be able enjoy a sunny day at the pool without wondering if we brought a 2nd pair of green goggles.

Original September, 2014