Brothers By Choice
“Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”
- Dean Wormer, Faber College 1962 (1)
If only Dean Wormer knew that Mr. Blutarsky would go on to become a US Senator, perhaps he would have been more supportive of the Delta House. Or maybe Wormer’s flogging of Bluto and the other Deltas was just the kick in the ass they needed. Toga! Toga! Toga! If none of this sounds familiar, then you probably haven’t seen National Lampoon’s Animal House (1978). If that’s true, you may want to stop reading right here.
Just 8 years after Animal House was released in theaters, I joined the Alpha Tau Omega fraternity. I was an 18 year old Freshman at the University of Colorado. And while I LOVE Animal House and have probably watched the film 47 times, the promise of crazy parties and wild road trips was not the reason I pledged a fraternity. The driving force to explore Greek life and join a house came from my father. He was a Chi Psi at the University of Minnesota in the early 1950s. The fraternal life had provided him a strong foundation for his post collegiate life. The fraternity gave him tangible life skills, a network of friends and good leadership experience. He rose to become #1 at the Lodge in his senior year. For my father, Chi Psi was all about brotherhood, friendship, service, perhaps meeting some girls and yes having a damn good time once in a while. In 1985, as I left the nest for Colorado, he strongly recommended that I consider Greek life. 33 years later I can happily say it’s some of the best advice I have ever received.
Like Flounder’s brother Fred said in the movie “Legacies usually get asked to pledge automatically”. CU did actually have a Chi Psi chapter and I am proof that legacies don’t alway get in. Thanks Glenn! Destiny is funny. I was never meant to be a Chi Psi and that’s just fine. I wasn’t even upset that I didn’t get a bid. Sorry Dad, but stuff happens and Chi Psi’s loss was ATO’s gain. My father is now 87 years old and while he has never forgiven the Colorado Chi Psis for dinging his son, he still maintains contact with his fraternity brothers from over 60 years ago. 60 year friendships don’t happen out of the blue.
In 1985 you didn’t apply to 7 or 8 schools. Back then you applied to maybe 3 schools. The field was small. For me it was San Diego State, UC Santa Barbara and Colorado. When CU said yes, I knew I was ready to leave California and start a new journey. I landed at Stapleton Airport alone with a footlocker. Mom and Dad stayed behind. Dad’s colleague picked me up and drove me to Boulder. Sewall Hall was my new home. I didn’t know a soul. I met a few good guys in the dorm that first semester but overall I didn’t make that many friends. I was alone and wasn’t meeting many girls either. I went through rush in the fall but it was a blur. Beers and cocktails flowed freely back then and it was an incredibly humbling experience not knowing anyone or having any inside track. I did my best to meet the right people and find the right connections but it wasn’t to be. I received a few bids from houses that quite frankly I didn’t even remember spending much time at. Delta Upsilon? Thanks but no thanks. It was in January of 1986 during spring rush when I found my crew. There was zero doubt that ATO was the right place. The courtship was brief, maybe 10 days, but I finally fit in. The strangers would become my brothers.
That decision is still paying dividends 3 decades later as I visited Boulder last month for our latest “Tau” reunion. The views from Highway 36 as you descend into Boulder are spectacular. The familiar Flatirons smile casually from the West and the beautiful CU campus, dressed in beautiful red brick, sits in the distance. As my car sped down the highway, my thoughts came back to August of 1986. It was the last week of summer before my sophomore year. The pledges had to come back a week early to paint the entire house and help others move in. Yes, it was Hell Week. At the time it was the best and worst week of my life. Stair sleep, “incoming," pledge boxing, painting the house, tequila shots, streaking around the Kappa House in broad daylight, swimming in the pond, smiley box, nightly lineups. We had 7 minutes to shower every 2nd or 3rd day. 7 minutes total for all 12 pledges to shower using one shower. That’s about 35 seconds each to wash the filth and stench from working and painting all day. Much of what we did was just plain stupid. 90% of it was pure fun. 10% was pretty brutal. Some activities were moderately dangerous but we were young and bulletproof. The Minnesota Chi Psis in the 50’s covered their pledges in molasses and then rolled them in a bunch of feathers. They were then dropped off on a country road in the snow. Somebody thought this was a good idea in 1952 but it probably wasn’t.
My time in Colorado was short but the memories will always remain. Our ATO reunion last month was proof. We gathered on Pearl Street Friday night arriving from all over the country including Rhode Island, Illinois, Wisconsin, Michigan, Kansas, Texas, California, Oregon and many who remain in Colorado. We reminisced about our glory days at CU but mostly caught up on current affairs, our families and how many of our kids were now in college. How could our sons and daughters now be in the Greek system? The Saturday tailgate before the Nebraska game was one of the best days I have had in a very long time. Seeing brothers from long ago was fantastic. Nobody missed a beat. It’s as if we had graduated yesterday. I saw so many old faces and we reconnected immediately. We laughed all day long and relived the best days of our lives. Most of us of have remained close with a small group from the house but not a broader crew. Sharing time together with this larger group was so much fun. I hadn’t seen a few brothers for 30 years and it didn’t matter. It’s as if we had all been transported back to 1986, albeit with less hair and perhaps a little more girth. We were back at the beginning. It was a time of innocence. The world was our oyster. The future awaited us.
Fast forward 3 decades from 86’ and the future has arrived. I am now the father encouraging my son to explore Greek life. My 19 year old finally took some of his old man’s advice and recently moved into the Sigma Chi house at the University of Oregon. The circle of life is alive, though I’m not sure I like where I am in the circle. He was so excited to move into the house and see his brothers from near and far that he didn’t see over the summer. Living in the house is an annual right of passage that takes a young man from being a pledge to an active member.
I am incredibly happy for him but concerned at the same time. I’m the parent now and I do worry about the parties and drinking not to mention the vaping and edibles. But as I moved him into his room, he was exactly where I was 33 years ago. He is engaging in college life, meeting new friends and finding his groove. He even has mandatory study hours each week that keep academics as a focus. I’m pretty sure back in my day nobody was making us study. He is a 3rd generation fraternity member and is embracing all that it has to offer. He’s probably having too much fun for a parent to fully endorse but that’s what I was doing, as was my father. I trust him. I’m hopeful we instilled enough wisdom to navigate the freedom of his college years and balance all that is in front of him. I know he will make mistakes and stumble at times. I’m just hoping they are not big mistakes.
Fraternities are now under siege all over the country especially from liberal places like Boulder and Eugene. Every week another fraternity is placed on probation or suspended. It makes me sad to see this happen. Let’s be clear, Greek life isn’t for everyone and it certainly isn’t perfect. Over the years there have been some tragic deaths related to hazing and drinking. Sadly, students in the dorms and other college housing have died from drinking too. Bad things happen at college. But these negatives are not exclusive to fraternities. Fraternities are easy targets and opponents easily portray members as irresponsible “frat boys”. Several issues do need to be addressed and many fraternities are actively engaged in creating safer environments for their members. Regular alcohol monitors, designated drivers and alcohol free houses are becoming the new norm across the country. And hazing has been reduced greatly from what it was like years ago. That is a good thing. I never felt comfortable hazing another person and many of my brothers share that sentiment. Today it is a fraction of what it once was. The time spent as a pledge is also much shorter now. And let’s be honest, fraternities are not the core problem but rather it’s alcohol and the widespread abuse across colleges campuses. Alcohol poses a similar problem in the dorms. The biggest difference is that they don’t have a few greek letters across their chest. I’m a firm believer that the overall positives outweigh the negatives. The Greek system produces good people with strong values. Fraternities and sororities develop future leaders, promote service and encourage philanthropy. Most importantly Greek life fosters bonds. These bonds develop quickly over 3 or 4 years and then strengthen to last decades. There is a certain ideal in a fraternity that needs to be maintained and carried forward. I can find an open door, warm welcome and friendly smile almost anywhere in the country. And if a life moment arrives where I need support, maybe a job opportunity or just some advice, I will have brothers lined up to help. I would do the same. That’s because we share a common bond, “Brothers by Choice”. We chose each other. Our time in college only lasted for a few years but the friendships will last a lifetime. My father is proof.
VTL
(1) Filmed at the University of Oregon, Go Ducks!