The Fan

How do you spend Fall Saturdays with your children?

It probably depends on how old the kids are, where you live and what the weather says. For most families there is a youth sporting obligation on the calendar for 60-90 minutes. Perhaps you take the troops to the zoo or a neighborhood park. There are birthday parties pretty much every Saturday of the year. Maybe Susie has a playdate at Pump It Up or Johnny is headed to a friend’s house. Some more adventurous families might go on an overnight camping trip. There are many options.

At the Friel house we watch college football on Saturday. We watch lots and lots of football. We start as early as 7am with College GameDay. The early game kicks off at 9am. It’s usually a pretty boring Big 10 game but we have it on in the background while we eat breakfast and read the paper. At some point we do attend the weekly soccer game and then a quick stop at Five Guys or Chipotle before we head home for the afternoon slate of games.

Does any of this sound familiar? Do you have a college or maybe an NFL team that you follow religiously? Maybe you prefer futbol and the Premier League. Have you unknowingly created a young lunatic(s) who gets overly invested in random sporting events they have no control over? I am guilty on all counts. I have been an avid sports fan since I was about 10 years old and have shared this passion with my family and especially my son. And in the process I’m afraid I have created another monster.

First, it should be understood that the word fan derives from the word fanatical which means “zealous, extremist, militant, radical, diehard, intolerant, inflexible.” These are not exactly the traits most parents want to instill in their children, unless you cheer for Al Qaeda State or ISIS U. There should be no illusion that sports fans are reasonable, level headed people. We are not. We scream. We yell. We jump up and down. And that’s when our team is winning. Losing still involves screaming and yelling but now add in some F bombs, kicking things and throwing objects (1). The perfect way to ruin a Fall Saturday.

And to be clear, there is a lot of losing. Even the best teams lose a lot. Last year the best MLB team lost 58 games. The best NBA teams lose at least 25 games each year. And regardless of the sport, there is only one champion at the end of the season. Only one fan base in each sport goes home happy. Everybody loses at some point.

And when your team loses there is nowhere to hide. There you are decked out in your team colors, at the game, or at a bar, or on the couch in your living room. It doesn’t matter where you are, because that final whistle has blown and your team lost. It is over. The anticipation and excitement have long passed. Reality has arrived. There is no more hope. Every key play is replayed in your mind and any shortcoming is felt deeply. There is zero consolation that your team might have played well or come close. They (you) lost, period. Winning is all that matters.

So knowing all of this why do we expose our children to big time sports? Why doesn’t our family spend Saturday afternoons pursuing our kids interests? Rarely do you see kids leaving the park unhappy. Kids don’t leave the zoo in a deep rage. They generally don’t throw stuff and yell profanities at the end of a birthday party. Camping in the great outdoors seems to be pretty enjoyable. There are definitely more civil activities to pursue with your kids than college or pro sports.

There is no playbook for raising a young sports fanatic. Nobody shares a road map to navigate the absurdity of getting your kid hooked on Buffaloes and Trojans. I had no idea that I was creating a monster. Young Frankenstein would be proud.

Of course, it all starts out innocently enough when they are infants. I started buying college swag for my son when he was about 6 months old. He never had a chance. And as they grow up and start running around there are many more options to clothe them in. I was thrilled to buy my 7 year-old daughter an USC song girl outfit ( they are NOT cheerleaders) and she looked fantastic! Suggesting she trick or treat in it on Halloween night was not my best moment. Oregon hosted USC that night and the entire neighborhood was buzzing with excitement (2). We did some speed trick or treating so Dad could catch the end of the first half. At the last house a 63 year-old man opened the door, and sees the USC colors. He immediately slammed the door in her face. He was joking and quickly opened the door offering candy but it wasn’t funny. She was on the verge of tears all because of Dad wanting to flaunt his colors. She wan an innocent pawn in Dad’s grand Halloween scheme against the Ducks. Dad made it all about football. And Oregon rolled so Dad got his well deserved abuse from the neighborhood as well.

Fast forward and today you can buy anything with your school’s logo on it. They have jerseys, t-shirts, hats, sweatshirts, jackets, pajamas, backpacks, golf balls, blankets, bedspreads lamps , etc. I own custom barbecue tongs with a USC logo, just in case I forget which team I live or die for while barbecuing. I have very comfy slippers with Buffaloes on them.

The early years are the best. There is not a better feeling than watching your toddler run around in Dad’s college team’s gear. Really it’s a mini version of yourself that you are proudly brainwashing by age 2. Happily, the kids don’t yet grasp the life and death importance of what Dad is watching. My son never saw the pain and agony that Dad was fighting to hold inside. Sports dads try our best to keep our emotions in check but we never quite last an entire game. By the 4th quarter bad shit has most likely occurred. Of course Mom is already at the mall with baby sister and it’s just me and my 5 year old. Mom has seen the carnage many times before and cruising around Nordstrom seems safer and more enjoyable. Dad is pacing the room screaming at the TV looking for something to kick or throw. This is all normal behavior right?

And then slowly your kids are 7 or 8 and they begin to pay a little more attention. They invest more time watching and now can watch an entire half without wandering off to the legos. They begin to ask questions and start learning the rules. Before long the kids start tagging along with Dad and going to live games. They get to enjoy the tailgate, throw the ball around, eat junk food and see Dad in his natural habitat. When Saturday morning finally arrives, Dad and his buddies are always happy and giddy with game day excitement. The kids enter the huge stadium and immediately feel the excitement, vibe and energy of a huge college football crowd. In my case they are lucky to see either a beautiful white horse or a majestic buffalo race around the field right before the game starts. Soon they hear the marching band’s 3 songs. That’s pretty much all any school has and it seems about right. Along the way they start to do all the silly hand gestures that crazy football fans come up with.

When the home team wins its exhilarating. All the effort spent planning which game, buying the tickets, driving a few hours, walking through campus, setting up and breaking down the tailgate was all worth it. The $83 extra dollars you spent on last minute game-day swag and beers now seem like a bargain. Everything is perfect. Kids are hanging out with Dad and everyone is all smiles. What could be better, both for Dad and child? The simple answer is nothing. Sharing the adrenaline rush and energy of a live event with thousands of similarly affected people is amazing. There is a clear sense of community and togetherness even in a venue that holds 80,000 + screaming people. Of course if you are on the road in hostile territory then the live experience is much more stressful.

It was a night game in Corvallis (3). The good guys were ranked #3 and favored by 19 points. This was a business trip. 48 hours and return home with the W. Zero reason to believe our team could lose. My son was just 7 years old when the Beavers stunned the football world and ruined SC’s season. My son’s face told the story. He was crushed and on the verge of tears. It was so sad to see and there was nothing I could do. This was 100% my fault…..well maybe 70% my fault and the rest on the stupid QB who threw the late interception. There just isn't a way to prepare a son or daughter for the devastation of the huge favorite losing on the road. Losing just wasn’t an option. It never crossed my mind they could lose. The final seconds ticked away slowly and then pandemonium from Beaver Nation. Everyone around us was jumping up and down going berserk. The Beaver fans were as shocked as they were excited. Meanwhile, I still needed to exit the stadium with my devastated son and navigate a 20 minute walk of shame to the car. Most of the heckling was reasonable but a few jerks make my son even more distraught. And lastly we still had to drive almost 2 hours, getting home just before midnight. A 16-hour journey of hope and anticipation had ended in complete disaster.

If you are really, really unlucky there is even a worse way to lose a game. Your child might just get to see a last second Hail Mary pass that sends your team to a crushing home defeat just seconds from winning the game (4). Stunned silence envelopes the Coliseum. The home crowd files out slowly and quietly. Heads hang low and nobody is talking. Picture thousands of people walking on a somber march to the gallows. Losing sucks. Losing feels like eternity. My 12 year old literally didn’t speak for an hour. Even the IN-N-OUT burger on the way home didn’t put a dent in his sadness and depression.

To my dearest Jared, I am so sorry to have taken you to these very tough losses and passing on this curse of sports fanaticism. It was never my master plan but that’s how it has unfolded. It is such a brutal endeavor to cheer for teams and universities when neither of us have any control or influence over the final result. And yet we invest so much time, energy, $$$ and passion watching, cheering and otherwise losing our minds. The highs are so elusive and often anti-climatic while the lows are more frequent, raw and gut wrenching. The losses take days to overcome. Why do we torture ourselves and keep showing up when we know that the pain of losing is possible and quite likely? We endure and Fight On because we want that high, the joy and ecstasy we feel when our team wins a close game or even better yet if they come from behind late in the game.

The 2017 Rose Bowl is the perfect example of why my son and I love football (5). Our beloved Trojans were trailing Penn State by 17 points entering the 4th quarter. The Nittany Lions had scored on 7 straight possessions. We were getting rolled. My 17 year-old diehard son was ready to throw in the towel. “Dad why did we come all the way from Portland? We are getting crushed. This is a disaster.” Meanwhile, I meagerly plead with him to “have faith” even as I knew SC was likely to lose with slim to zero chance of victory. And then slowly the game began to turn. A defensive stop, a long pass and then a touchdown! The crowd begins to roar and the good guys begin to fight back. And then with only 53 seconds to go USC scored a TD on an amazing throw and catch. And then the eternal wait for the extra point that would tie the game…and it’s through the uprights!

On the very next drive with just 37 seconds left Penn State throws an interception. The Trojans march 28 yards to attempt a game winning 43 yard field goal as time expires. The Rose Bowl is rocking, you can’t hear yourself think. 100,000 people watching a 19 year-old kid trying to kick a piece of leather through two goal posts in the distance…The kick is up and it’s GOOD!!

USC wins! Absolute delirium ensues. My son and I proceed to jump up and down, hugging each other and screaming like two 7 year-old girls. Gigantic smiles engulf our faces and we are both in a state of euphoria. USC was the victor in the Grand Daddy of them all. Their comeback was our comeback. We won too. My son and I were winners together. It was an all time amazing comeback and perhaps the best game I have ever witnessed in person. And I got to share it with my son. It’s a day and game neither of us will ever forget. And that ladies and gentlemen is why we cheer for our favorite teams so passionately.

Many sports and especially football provide a generational connection between fathers and sons, grandfathers and grand daughters, long lost cousins, etc. And in these modern times many moms like football too and share it with the kids as well. My wife loves college football and has helped make it a family affair. Saturday afternoons bring everyone together united for the same pursuit of camaraderie and competition. Outsiders can say it’s only a dumb football game but to us true believers it is something much more special. For many of us there is a bond that gets formed at a very young age and every September that bond is renewed and grows.

My football bond with my Father started when I was maybe 10 years old. He worked a lot and we didn’t get to spend much time together during the week or on Saturdays. Sunday was our day. We enjoyed many Sunday afternoons going to LA Rams games at the Coliseum. It was the best part of the week, by far. It was just me and him for 5 or 6 hours depending on Los Angeles traffic. Football was the event but time together was the reward. I got to hang out with my dad. Some of the happiest memories from my childhood are going to NFL games with my Father.

(1) Stanford upsets #6 USC 41-31 @LAColiseum, September 19, 2015

15 year-old son hurls his iPhone against the wall as game ends. Grandma is over babysitting.

(2) Fright Night in Eugene. Ducks crush USC 47- 20 @AutzenStadium, October 31, 2009

(3) Oregon State upsets #3 USC 33-31 at @ReserStadium, October 28, 2006

(4) ASU beats USC 38-34 on Hail Mary pass @LAColiseum, October 4, 2014

(5) USC beats Penn State 52-49 @TheRoseBowl January 2, 2017