Four and Six
Four & Six
Surviving the early years of parenting is a really, really difficult job which is demanding and often unpleasant. While the journey is full of amazing highs and life changing moments there are times you wonder “What the hell did we get ourselves into”? Let’s be honest, 87% of the early years are spent in a sleep deprived, zombie state of madness. You constantly find yourself knee deep in diapers, crazy tantrums, binky wars and sleepless nights that go on forever. There just isn’t any downtime. It’s like Groundhog Day for several years. Most days are exhausting, simply trying to get that 3 1/2 year old fed, dressed and off to toddlerville, while trying desperately not to lock the 15 month-old professional crawler, cabinet opener and shit disturber into a closet or dog crate. And really, would a closet or a fully furnished dog crate with a comfy pillow do much harm for 30 minutes? The crate would allow just enough time for Mom and Dad to finish their morning coffee and stop Googling hara-kiri videos.
And then it happens. Through the haze and without even knowing it, you are THERE. You have arrived at the first magical stage of parenting. Your kids have grown and are now roughly ages 4 and 6. Much like your blood pressure it’s the lower number that matters most. Once little Johnny is 4 and Susie is maybe 6 1/2 you have arrived at one of the best parenting rest stops there is. It is a heavenly place. Out of seemingly nowhere your Saturday and Sunday mornings are being returned to you. You see when kids are finally 4 and 6 they can get out of bed on their own, find the milk and cereal, turn on the TV and watch Saturday morning cartoons. These days kids can grab their crack devices (iPads) and play games in the comfort of their own bed. Susie and Johnny won’t burn down the house. They won’t break anything, hopefully. They very well may make a mess but that would have happened anyway. Finally sleeping in until 8am is such an incredible gift after so many years of sleepless nights and 5:30am wake ups. Four and six is the first significant daylight in this grand adventure called parenting. It’s like making it to base camp at Mt. Everest. You are 17,600 feet up and can stop, rest and enjoy the view. Don’t worry, there is still a shitload of mountain left and it gets significantly more difficult but today is to be celebrated.
Please remember only a fraction of your former pre-kid life is being returned to you. You still can’t leave them at home alone, they can’t work yet, they still need booster seats, they require supervision, food must be prepared. Yet it feels like much more. The extra hours of sleep are priceless. The days become shorter and start to pass more quickly because you aren’t starting the whole shitshow at 5:30am every day.
And there’s more. At 4 and 6 diapers and potty training are a distant memory. Now the little monsters can actually get dressed on their own. Clothes won’t match and they might put on a shirt inside out or mix up socks but isn’t that how Daddy dresses them already. And maybe how Daddy dresses himself? They are beginning to fend for themselves. Slowly but surely they are picking up some slack. And speaking of carrying their load, 4 and 6 year olds have feet, legs, arms and hands which means they can finally carry some of their own crap around. They won’t carry it far, but they can load up a back pack and move their worldly possessions from point A to point B. Mommy can begin to downsize from the XXXL duffel bag she carries around with 80 pounds of gear like an Army Ranger.
Nap times still exist but at 4 and 6 you can take the traveling circus further away from the house and for extended periods of time. At 4 and 6 your kids are becoming little people with actual personalities growing vocabularies and all sorts of excitement. It’s all of the sudden fun to be with them for more than 43 minutes at a time. And best of all, this is the first stage that the kids can’t wait to see you come home from work. They sit by the window looking for the car, waiting, anticipating. And when the front door opens they run to give you a big hug. That is the magic! Sure there have been glimpses along the way but this is the real deal. When the younger child is no longer being treated for diaper-shit-tantrum syndrome and the binkys are all gone, you have made real progress. It’s one of the very first times you sit back, reflect and say with full confidence “I got this”. Or more importantly “I like this parenting thing”. The early days are spent always on the fly. You don’t have a clue if you are doing anything the right way or are completely failing. At 4 and 6 you finally know and accept that there is no right way. Just your way and that’s just fine. It will all work out.
Notes
*It should be clearly noted that this blog is written about the experiences of a nuclear family with a total of 4 humans. 2 adults, 2 kids and that’s it. I can’t begin to fathom what having 3 children would be like, let alone 4 or 5. In sports, I have always preferred a man to man defensive scheme and switching to a zone would open an entirely new can of worms. I have nothing but respect and admiration for parents that have chosen to birth a station wagon full of ankle biters. It’s just not my deal.
** There is no reason on earth why kids 3 1/2 or older should still have a binky. Zero. Deal with the 24-36 hours of hell and then you are free forever. It was the Easter Bunny who stole our daughter’s last remaining binky on Easter morning when she was 3. Damn bunnies! Or as she said, “I don’t like the bunny!”